So after the success of the Netflix football series, Welcome To Wrexham, we thought we’d do something a little bit similar (and cheaper) and send Blogit and Scarpa out on the road to follow the mighty Sky Blues (see previous blogs about Coventry City and Wembley) up and down the country in their quest for promotion to the Premier League. No Hollywood A-listers, just a chubby fella and his lad, sleeping, eating and singing their way around the UK. And first up, it’s Swansea.

CBS Arena (Coventry’s home stadium) to the Swansea.com Stadium is 165 miles, or 265 km. I know for you Yanks that’s a short trip, but for us Brits, that’s another country and a 4 hour drive. And it’s a drive into enemy territory. You see, Swansea, like Wrexham, is in Wales. And Wales and England don’t get on. Probably the accent and the constant singing and definitely not the invasions, pillaging and imprisonment and death of the Welsh rulers. Let it go, man.

So tell us about Swansea, I hear you say. OK. I will. Swansea is the 2nd largest city in Wales, and the 25th in the UK. It has a population of 300,000. In the 19th Century, Swansea was the key centre of the copper-smelting industry, earning the nickname ‘Copperopolis’. Today, as alluded to by the Coventry fans, it’s a ‘s**thole’. Swansea got its name from the original Viking trading post founded by King Sweyn Forkbeard. He was called that because he got a fork stuck in his beard. Vikings were really messy eaters. And they had big beards. The men did too.

Here’s another one. There have been finds at Long Hole Cave (my prison name, incidentally) dating back to the Palaeolithic age (a long, long time, ago, in a galaxy very, very near) that have been interpreted as those of the first modern humans in Britain. They found kitchen utensils such as knives, spoons and bowls. But no forks. There is evidence that the modern Swansea man hasn’t moved on.

Anyway, back to it.

Our intrepid travellers began their journey on a bright Saturday morning in Coventry, jumping on the official supporters coach. It said it was a luxury coach, but that just means it’s got a toilet. And not a luxurious one. Someone forgot the first rule of toilet etiquette on a coach. Never, ever do you have a ‘sit and a think’ on a coach toilet. Ventilation and drainage are not the hallmarks of coach travel. Remember that bit in Total Recall when Arnie gets sucked out into Mars’s atmosphere and his eyes bulge out of their sockets and his head almost explodes. Yeah. That.

Now usually, Blogit and Scarpa like to try out the local KFC whenever they arrive at another city, but the nearest one was 1.4 miles away, and it’s safer not to leave the herd and venture onto enemy turf, especially when wearing one's team's colours. But, as luck would have it, Rossi’s Original Fish and Chip Shop is opposite the stadium. Our young heroes broke away from the safety of the pack, zipped up their jackets, and in their best Welsh accents, ordered battered cod and chips. Crisp batter, steak-like cod. Hot, hand made chips. So good we wanted to break out into song. Better not. We can’t hold a tune. Our cover would be blown. We ate quietly, contentedly, and slipped back to the away end.

We joined 2,000 other Coventry fans in the stadium and the banter began.

‘Sheep shagging b***ards, you know what you are’, sang the City fans. Out of tune.

‘Always sh*t on the English side of the bridge’ was the retort, to the tune of Always Look on the Bright Side Of Life. Despite the sentiment, they sang it beautifully.

Like the banter, the game ended 1-1.

We jumped back onto the coach and headed to the English side of the bridge. But not before a little ‘sit and a think’ before we crossed the border. 2-1 to the City.

PUSB