Oooh. A Friday night game, under the lights. At the MKM Stadium, in the glorious city of Hull. Or ‘Ull as the locals call it. How exciting.

Hull, or Kingston-Upon-Hull, is a city 25 miles inland from the North Sea. The North Sea is on the right hand side of the UK as you look at it. And towards the North. It’s also a sea. The Northerners don’t mince their words. It’s the North Sea. And it’s bloody cold, so get on with it.

The MKM stadium is 130 miles away. Kick off is at 19.45, and our heroes have a 4 hour journey ahead of them. Coaches leave at 14.00, on a school day too, but in a sheer act of coincidence, both Blogit and Scarpa have ‘dental appointments’ at 13.30 so neither were able to attend work or college that afternoon. Thank God for imaginary bad dental hygiene.

Packed up with unimaginary sweets, including Maltesers and Chocolate Buttons (both available at The Queens Pantry), we boarded the coach and settled in. A glamorous route along the M6, A43, A1, A15, through Newark and Lincoln and Corby. The Badlands.

As the miles passed and the light faded, and in the shadow of the Humber Bridge and the Humber River, the MKM stadium rose majestically through the houses and shops. We stepped off the bus. Welcome to Hull.

Kingston-Upon Hull sounds proper posh. But don’t be fooled by its name. During World War II, Hull was bombarded during The Blitz. It caused $5million dollars worth of improvements. Hull is twinned with Beirut. The people of Hull do not get out of the bath to pee.

Because of its location, Hull became a shipping port, and became an affluent town in the 13th Century, exporting wool. In 1299, Edward I stumbled upon Hull whilst chasing a rabbit (this is true), and liked the place so much it was named Kings Town (Kingston).

During the English Civil War (1642-1651), Hull played a central role because of the huge arsenal located there. Charles I named the Earl of Newcastle Governor of Hull, but Parliament nominated Sir John Hotham. Sir John declared his support for Parliament, and refused Charles I entry to the town. There was a standoff. Charles I was ‘fumin’. He shook his head in rage. The emoji seeds were sewn. ‘It’s just me and my kids from now on’, he raged. His mum, Anne of Denmark, asked if he was ok, hun.

In the 18th Century, Hull's Member of Parliament was William Wilberforce. He was the bloke who led the fight to abolish slavery in the UK, and to have equal rights for all. This idea caught on quickly, and only 157 years later America passed the Civil Rights Act in 1964.

With all this historical knowledge at hand, and feeling honoured to be in such an historical place, we entered the stadium and called the Hull City fans w**kers. It’s a beautiful game.

As there was no KFC nearby, young Scarpa opted for the Steak pie from the stadium bar. Crispy crust, tender meat, tasty gravy. However, the gravy was piping hot and young Scarpa received 3rd degree burns after biting into said pie. That will require a trip to the hospital, but we’ll wait till the next midweek away game when we’ll need some time off. Man up, Scarpa.

To the game. The City boys brought all the noise and in the 27th minute took the lead through a Joel Latibeaudiere header. We tried to sing his name, gave up, and went back to calling the Hull fans w**kers. It looked like City were going to take all 3 points. However, with only 3 minutes remaining, Hull equalised. The game ended 1-1.

We got the hell out of Hull.