So it’s week 3, and to be honest, I’ve had enough already. If you want to know what’s going on, which liar told which lie, then head over to a news network, but be careful which news network you chose, because it turns out that politicians don’t have the Liar market cornered. Everyone’s at it. Alternatively, turn everything off and head down to The Queens Pantry, open all day every day, except Sundays, and not on Election Day either, because it’s on 4th July. We can sort of guarantee that The Queens Pantry will be appearing neutral throughout the whole thing. So instead of repeating the bull that's already been sprouted, let’s take a little look at how this voting stuff works in the UK. You have to be 18 years old to vote in the UK. Before that, you’re not considered to be mature enough to vote. You can drive a car when you’re 17. But you can’t vote. You can fly a glider at 16. And buy liqueur chocolates. But you can’t vote. At 17, you can allow your body to be used for medical science. After you’re dead. Obvs. Or, also at 17, if you want to give your body up for good whilst you’re alive, you can legally get married. Anyone over 18 can register to be put on the ballot paper. That means the common man can become Prime Minister. He never does though. It’s generally an out-of-touch middle-aged white man, who went to private school, ‘nursed’ from his nanny until the age of 8, and is incapable of satisfying a partner in the bedroom. Unless they’re putting a shelf. In the UK, we vote for Members of Parliament (MP). There are 650 MPs and they represent the 650 constituencies that the country is divided into. Then on Election Day, about half the country get off their arses and vote. The other 50% complain about the result the following day. The votes are counted the next day, and the result is generally announced the day after. Then the new Prime Minister drives into Downing Street and kicks the old Prime MInister out. There’s no grace period. No Inauguration 3 months later. You’ve lost, get out. I mean, imagine being given 3 months to vacate the post. You’d go out with a bang, stealing the silver and pardoning criminals who happen to be your mates. Anyway, if you get more than half the seats, you win. Problem is, there are more than just 2 parties. Because there’s more than just 2 ways of seeing things, right? We got Tories (posh entitled people who don’t care about the poor), Labour (poor people who want to be posh), the Lib Dems (posh people who used to be poor), the Green Party (posh people who pretend to be poor), Reform UK (racists), hundreds of Independents (disillusioned fantasists who believe they can make a difference), and The Monster Raving Loony Party (actually, the most sane of the lot). Labour are ahead in the polls. But they have a habit of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. The Tories are floundering, but you should never write them off. They own the media, so expect dirt to be flung. The Lib Dems will make some gains, but no-one takes them too seriously. They’re too nice to be in power. Reform will eventually crawl back under the rock from whence they came. They’ll count the number of votes they’ll receive on one hand. If they could count. So, with hours to go, it’s all to play for. I’m off to sit in the corner of a darkened room with the phone and computer off. Wake me up when the Tories are gone.