We’re only 31 days away from the General Election. And this week the Conservative Party announced that if they were voted back into Government on 4th July, they intend to re-introduce National Service.

I mean, they’ve been in power since May 6th 2010. They’ve had 5,141 days to mention it before now. If it’s such a great idea, why have they only just bothered to mention it?? But now it looks like their grip on power is loosening, it seems like the only thing they think they can hold onto is a straw.

Let's talk about National Service.

National Service was a standardised form of peacetime conscription in the UK. In 1947, it was announced that all able-bodied men between the ages of 18 and 30 were to be called up. This was quickly changed to all 17 to 21 year-olds. Because 17 year olds are brats. And 30 year olds are not particularly able-bodied. The conscripts initially served for 18 months, which was increased to 2 years during the Korean War. In total, 2 million men were conscripted to National Service.

After the end of World War II, Britain still had several military obligations, not only in Germany and Japan, but also in the Commonwealth. So who better than a bunch of teenagers to sort it out. I mean, that's your first port of call. If you’ve got a problem, ask a teenager. All they do when you ask them a question is shrug their shoulders. And we know that’s no solution. Look at the French.

The idea of National Service is to offer discipline, a skill-set. A sense of belonging, of achievement, of pride. To offer hope and camaraderie. Something that has slowly eroded away since, approximately, 6th May 2010. As Einstein once said “You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.”

There were plus points. You got sent to places like Egypt, Borneo, Malaya and Libya. The weather was lovely. But the dying wasn’t so good.

So 2 million teenage boys were conscripted and sent to live in shacks. As you can imagine the smell was awful, the place was a mess, and toilet roll shortages were reported.

And by the mid 60s the teenagers conformed. And The Beatles, The Who and Led Zeppelin were created.

So maybe National Service would be a good thing. Because modern music is rubbish. God, I’m sounding like one of them now!

Oh. Just for balance, and to offer all sides of the story,I should let you know what the opposition parties are saying. They’re saying nothing. They don’t need to say anything. Even though we banned ownership of firearms in 1996, the Tories have managed to get their hands on one and are shooting themselves in the foot on a daily basis. And as Abraham Lincoln once said ‘“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

So rather than clutching at straws on bringing back old ideas, maybe make a small adjustment. Not just 17-21 year olds males. Maybe just Eton School Boys. Children of politicians. Justin Bieber. All of the Kardashians. The Proud Boys.

I’d put Donald Trump in too. But he’s allergic to conscription. And might be in prison. And he’ll be too busy concentrating on clutching at soap.

Next week, we’ll report on the Conservatives newest idea to try to sway the old voters by bringing back hanging.

#rockthevotethetoriesout