So you make your daily/weekly/monthly….I mean it should end there…quarterly/yearly trip to The Queen's Pantry, and, as you walk through the door, you’re probably thinking ‘Wow, what a great place to work. Surely it can’t be this fun 24/7 365’. So after years of being on the phone with Sammy, the owner, who always banged on about how hard it is running The Queen's Pantry, I thought I’d give it a go. I bet it’s a piece of cake. Literally. Drinking tea all day, eating chocolate and biscuits, and gossiping from 10am to 6pm. Well after a month of ‘working’ there, I can confirm. It really is!!!

Having been abandoned by Karen, who had the nerve to take a trip back to England to visit family, Carla who had the summer off to have fun with her family, Caroline drinking her way around Europe and Makena selfishly moving to Florida, the call went out and Blogit came to the rescue.

He braved roaring seas and turbulent skies, time zones and customs, and the starkness of British Airways Business Class to heroically save the day. After a couple of days acclimatising to the time difference and the weather difference, Blogit arose at the crack of mid-morning for his first day at The Queen's Pantry.

First things first. Put the kettle on. Even though you’ve had 3 cups of tea already, the workday cannot start until the first cup or ‘work tea’ has been consumed. It’s the law. And then it’s onto the graft. The stuff you don’t see. The ‘behind-the-scenes’ blood, sweat, and tears that it takes to get the show on the road.

And it goes a little something like this. Hit it.

10am. Turn the TV on. Switch the Open sign on. Unlock the door. Drink tea. Eat chocolate. Gossip.

6pm. Turn the TV off. Switch the Open sign off. Lock the door. Go home.

So that, in a nutshell is that. Sometimes you gotta put your tea down and serve the customers. And the customers are lovely. No, really. Well, most of you. And having spent some time behind the counter, I’ve observed that there are several types of customers. Which one are you??

The Blinkered

The door opens with a purpose. The Blinker strides in. No eye contact. Focused. The Blinker knows what she wants, and she knows where it is. She grabs it from the shelf and stealthily makes her way to the till. Once the transaction is complete, The Blinker relaxes.

The Atlanta Canterer

The Canterer moseys on in. It’s hot outside, there’s no rush. The Canterer has got all day. Up and down each aisle, and once a full circuit has been made, The Canterer picks up a basket and then shops. The Canterer buys the less popular items.

The Day Tripper

The day tripper brings the family visiting from the UK or Australia or South Africa. The family get all teary-eyed over familiar products that they saw back home 3 days ago.

The Blackmailers

Mum and dad bring the kids in to stare at the chocolate for an hour. They can pick one. If they behave. Mum and dad enjoy the peace and the blackmail opportunities.

The Gossiper

The Gossiper doesn’t actually come in to buy anything. The Gossiper comes straight in, past all the shelves and gets gossiping straight away. They’ll hang out for about 30 mins, say they don’t need anything, then proceed to buy half the store. Mainly chocolate.

The Saffer

The Saffer comes in and buys the entire stock of Billtong and South African chocolate. They like to remind you that South Africa beat England in the Rugby World Cup. The Saffers are not welcome!!

Arethra Franklin once sang that ‘behind every great man, there’s a great woman’. Well behind The Queen's Pantry there’s a great woman, and that woman is Kayla. Kayla keeps the shelves stocked and the storeroom ticking. She’s the only person who does any real work. She is invaluable and deserves a pay rise. We've agreed to go 50/50 on it.

Oh, at the weekend, The Queen's Pantry uses a local food delivery service called Oi Joe. I heard the boss call Oi Joe and 15 minutes later he turns up with Chick Fil-A. Oi Joe is also The Queen's Pantry handyman. Oi Joe sometimes pretends to be deaf.

So that’s the warts and all, fly on the wall, Reality TV show ins and outs, the 24/7 of The Queen's Pantry. Why don’t you swing by, pull up a chair and watch the drama unfold.