I thought this was a day to celebrate childbirth. Like, it’s the day of the year where, when women bang on about how painful childbirth is, for that day, men have to not roll their eyes and say they’ve had worse hangovers, and accept that they would also probably ‘struggle a bit’ if they had to squeeze a watermelon from ‘out of there’. 

Turns out it’s not about women being a bit moany. It’s all about the workforce. You see, we get confused. You lot spell labour ‘labor’. And colour ‘color’. And when it comes understanding the British sense of humour, all that’s missing is u. Thank you. Goodnight. 

Labo(u)r Day is a federal holiday in the United States celebrated on the first Monday of September to hono(u)r and recognize the American labo(u)r movement and the works and contributions of labo(u)rers to the development and achievements in the United States. And to celebrate this work ethic, you don’t work. America, hey. 

Labo(u)r Day began in the late 19th Century, when there was a series of strikes, initiated after the Pullman company reduced wages for the carriagemakers after The Panic of 1893 (this is a real thing - The Panic of 1893 was an economic depression in the United States that began in 1893 and ended in 1897.It deeply affected every sector of the economy and produced political upheaval that led to the political realignment of 1896 and the presidency of William McKinley). The Panic of 1893 was swiftly followed by the Slight Distress of 1912, and the The Just Get Over It of 1933. 

The strikes were initiated in New York by a clandestine group called The Knights Of Labo(u)r. Although they sound like a death-metal group, they were a bunch of Italian ‘businessmen’. They met in secret, and used passwords and phrases such as ‘how you doin’ and ‘bada bing’’. Their official name was The Noble and Holy Order of the Knights of Labo(u)r. They are the Knights that say ‘I’m walking here’. 

Anyway, Labo(u)r Day sort of signifies the end of summer and there is a tradition of putting the summer clothes away, not wearing white and taking off the straw hats. That sounds a bit random, but check it out. The Straw Hat Riots broke out in 1922 in New York that lasted 8 days. You see, there was an unwritten rule that after Labo(u)r Day, you don’t wear straw hats, because it’s not summer anymore. Well those damn New Yorkers walk to the beat of their own drum. But other New Yorkers also walk to the beat of THEIR drum. Anyway, there were a lot of drumbeats going on, everyone got confused and angry and started knocking the straw hats off in a Karen type of way. For 8 days. CNN fanned the flames by saying that the straw hats came from Mexico. Or China. And everyone who wore them were commies. 

New Yorkers are a lot less aggressive nowadays. So, anyway, from today, the happy days are over and it’s now just the long, miserable slog to Christmas. I mean, they try to distract you by starting the football season, but the carefree days of summer are gone. 

Now get back to work, you lazy gits.