Not your one. When we gave it back to you in whenever it was. This is a new one. This is the UK’s Independence Day. This is the day we take our country back. Unless of course you’re one of those Conservatives. In which case, it’s ‘Continue The Sh*tshow Day’.

July 4th 2024 is the day that the Brits go to the polls to elect their next Prime Minister.

Now we get confused when you Yanks vote. One day, you’re electing Barack Obama. Depending on your mental capacity, he’s either an educated Black man with progressive ideas on how to improve life for the most vulnerable, or he’s an illegal immigrant who’s related to Osama Bin Laden. But he came in, and, you know, dressed well, spoke well, seemed like a pretty decent human being, was well respected abroad, had a political sensibility. And there was hope. And then you voted for Trump. I mean, come on. Had you been drinking?? And how we sat and watched, from overseas, and laughed heartily. What a mess. And then Boris Johnson got elected. And the laughing stopped. I did a blog about him. Read it, because I don’t want to go there again. I’m still not over it.

Anyway, we’ll stay independent, because everyone is entitled to their point of view, and the Constitution allows for freedom of speech and shooting stuff, generally tyrannical Governments or other humans, sometimes when they’re actually learning about the Constitution. But this is the UK. We don’t have a Constitution. We have a Stiff Upper Lip. And the class system.

What’s happening in the UK is quite confusing, so I’ll try and keep it simple. And factual.

The Prime Minister (President) is a chap called Rishi Sunak. He represents the Conservative Party. He wasn’t actually voted in by the British public. He was voted for by the members of the Conservative Party (about 170,000 of them. Generally white. Generally middle-aged. Always selfish). He became Prime Minister after the previous Prime Minister resigned. Her name was Liz Truss. Liz Truss wasn’t voted for by the British Public either. She was also voted for by the members of the Conservative Party (about 170,000 of them. Generally white. Generally middle-aged. Always selfish). She became Prime Minister because the previous one, Boris Johnson, resigned because….well, I haven’t got time, but paraphrasing….lying to the country and Queen, putting his bits anywhere except near his wife, partying during Covid whilst people died, syphoning money from the public purse…….you get the idea. Boris was voted as Prime Minister, actually by the British public, in 2019. At the time, the British voting public numbered 47 million. Boris won with 43% of the vote. That 43% was generally white, generally middle-aged, and 100% hoodwinked. 57% didn’t vote for Boris Johnson. But we’re not going to get political. Just the facts.

In the UK, you get 5 years to work your magic when you’re elected as Prime Minister. And the Conservatives have certainly worked their magic. Money has disappeared, along with nurses, policemen, teachers, soldiers and hope. But we’re not going to get political. Just the facts.

After 5 years, you have to call another General Election, and the public then get to vote again. When that happens, the mainstream media kick into action and spend the whole campaign lying about the opposition candidates. Because the Conservatives like to give very favourable tax breaks to multinationals, including media outlets, on the pretence that they keep the country employed. Unfortunately that has the awful side-effect of creating billionaires, who not only support the Conservative Party, but also support their ideas that it’s OK to shift their money out of the country to avoid paying tax on it. But. We’re not going to get political. Just the facts. You see, we don’t need Russian intervention. We’ll just believe what the posh people tell us. And be grateful for it.

The best thing about this upcoming General Election is not that we have a chance to kick these lying, cheating chancers to the kerb. It’s that it’s only 6 weeks away. So we’ve only got 42 days left to deal with all the b*llsh*t, and then we can get back to the important stuff. Like is Donald gonna be the first President behind bars. And where was Oswald when you needed him.

So we’ll do a weekly update, and let you know what’s going on.

Until then, eat chocolate and drink tea*. And watch the drama unfold…..

*Both available from The Queen's Pantry.